Post by LadyBlue on May 27, 2017 10:03:48 GMT -5
I lost my second parent yesterday. My mother lived a full life and died at the age of 92. So today I have many mixed emotions. I have come to realize that our lives have stages, child/parents from baby to 25, work and marriage/parents, having children/parents and so on, always including parents, and each stage is like another lifetime. When one stage is gone, it's to be remembered, and lessons learned along the way, but not to be dwelled upon.
We are all human, all with our own set of rules, beliefs, emotions and honor. I've been estranged from my Mother now for 20 years, yet today I lit a candle for her. I was an abused child. I have been an abused adult. At the age of 62 I've broken the cycle of being abused, and realize that my parents did the best they could do for me with how their pasts had gone, and the little knowledge they had to work with.
We all have a starting point of knowledge. We learn as we go, and when abuse is happening in the home, you think it's normal, until you go to a friends home and see that it's not. When the abuser dies, it's difficult to know how to feel when it's a parent. I never confronted her about it. She would never have understood that what she thought was parenting was actually abuse. But I didn't see my friends being locked in a closet with a small lamp and their homework because they brought home a B instead of an A. Or having their nose broken because they were backhanded and fell down the basement steps.
Everything that I do and that I've done for the last 20 years was try to live my life as a good human being, and giving what I can give to those who need help. I did reach out to my mother before her death. The past stages of my life and the lessons that I learned allowed me to do that and be the better person and step up to the plate. This stage of my life is all about TRUTH, and forgiveness.
You need to face your fears, face the fire, step up to the plate, tie up loose ends. Days are going by much too fast to hesitate. One day you'll look back at all those past stages and wonder, where did it all go? When was it all slipping away and I missed it?
So, RIP Mom, I learned many lessons, I thank you for teaching them to me, thank you for making me the straight edge, head strong, no nonsense person that I am today. I love you. Gretchen
We are all human, all with our own set of rules, beliefs, emotions and honor. I've been estranged from my Mother now for 20 years, yet today I lit a candle for her. I was an abused child. I have been an abused adult. At the age of 62 I've broken the cycle of being abused, and realize that my parents did the best they could do for me with how their pasts had gone, and the little knowledge they had to work with.
We all have a starting point of knowledge. We learn as we go, and when abuse is happening in the home, you think it's normal, until you go to a friends home and see that it's not. When the abuser dies, it's difficult to know how to feel when it's a parent. I never confronted her about it. She would never have understood that what she thought was parenting was actually abuse. But I didn't see my friends being locked in a closet with a small lamp and their homework because they brought home a B instead of an A. Or having their nose broken because they were backhanded and fell down the basement steps.
Everything that I do and that I've done for the last 20 years was try to live my life as a good human being, and giving what I can give to those who need help. I did reach out to my mother before her death. The past stages of my life and the lessons that I learned allowed me to do that and be the better person and step up to the plate. This stage of my life is all about TRUTH, and forgiveness.
You need to face your fears, face the fire, step up to the plate, tie up loose ends. Days are going by much too fast to hesitate. One day you'll look back at all those past stages and wonder, where did it all go? When was it all slipping away and I missed it?
So, RIP Mom, I learned many lessons, I thank you for teaching them to me, thank you for making me the straight edge, head strong, no nonsense person that I am today. I love you. Gretchen